“That’s Not My Dad” Dumb Florida Crook Steals Truck, Kids Rat Him Out to Police

What is it about the state of Florida and stupid criminals? Is it the drugs? Maybe it’s heat stroke? Whatever it is, Florida is renowned for their weird, bumbling criminals and the hilarity they cause committing their bumbling crimes.

Car jackings are typically inner city crimes, but are becoming more prevalent as criminal activity increases across Joe Biden’s America. They are usually very dangerous situations, especially if children are involved or still in the vehicle. Often times those sorts of incidents end in tragedy. Thankfully, this is not one of those times.

Recently in the Tampa area of Florida, a dumb crook took a truck that wasn’t his with two boys that also weren’t his inside. What happened next was pure gold. Check this out.

A Florida man is charged with kidnapping after he stole a truck with two young children inside, authorities said Monday. 

Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Deputy Jonathan Pazmino Alvarez was flagged down in Tampa Monday evening by a man who said his truck had just been stolen with his two children – ages 4 and 8 – inside. 

https://t.co/tdLzsLmwTf

— Rob Mattox (@RobMattox2) October 15, 2022

First of all, more proof that criminals are stupid. If you are going to steal a truck, why do it with two little kids inside? It’s hard enough to go ANYWHERE with kids in the car, even if they are your own. Two young kids in a stolen truck? No thanks, I’ll walk.

Deputy Alvarez pursued the allegedly stolen 2011 white Chevrolet Silverado and conducted a traffic stop “within just a few minutes,” the sheriff’s deputy said in a press release. 

Perhaps the easiest traffic stop in Deputy Alvarez’ career? I’m sure the bumbling crook pulled over willingly after tiring of saying “no we aren’t there yet”.

The sheriff’s office identified the suspect as 37-year-old Kevin Smith. A video of his arrest shows Smith appearing hesitant to get out of the truck, fearing that the arresting deputy would supposedly punch him. 

Deputy Alvarez wasn’t going to punch Kevin Smith, but he was probably leery of what those kids had in store for him. Every kid in America has seen “Home Alone” and dreams of goin all Kevin McCallister on a bumbling crook. What these kids did was stunning in it’s simplicity and effective in defusing the situation.

One of the children can be heard telling the deputy: “That’s not my dad.” 

Boom. Game over. Smith probably in his mind thought, ‘damn right I’m not! Please arrest me’.

All kidding aside, things ended well in this case, but that’s not always how it plays out. Smith is a career criminal, a mostly failed career, and is looking to add another chapter or two to his lengthy rap sheet.

The two children were returned safely to their father. Smith is charged with one count of grand theft motor vehicle and two counts of felony kidnapping. 

The sheriff’s office said Smith has a criminal history dating back to 2003 in Hillsborough County. He’s currently in custody at the Falkenburg Road jail without bond. 

All’s well that ends well in this case. The man got his truck and kids back, Kevin Smith won the award for dumbest crook of the month, and he gets a free place to stay courtesy of the Florida penal system.